What if tomorrow never comes..

Promise,
Dedication,
Trust,
Faith,
Hope,
What if tomorrow never comes, can these words sustain
me,
Will they tell my story,
Will they explain my actions, my wants, my needs, my
intentions
My life in vain?,
Did I pin everything I have on a hope of a better
tomorrow,
Did I lose the realization of today, for the dream of
tomorrow?
Did I buy my own lie, and forget that tomorrow is for
fools, and dreams
Maybe I am a fool, who dreams,
I need to know what if tomorrow never comes….

Why not Just become a stronger man!?!

Caught an article link on twitter. It’s funny I follow the person who originally post this article because I have a huge crush on smart and powerful women and she is an MIT grad, and fellow technologist so my crush is huge 🙂

I want my lady to have the intellect to put mine in it’s place everyday of the week and twice on Sunday. I would be fine with that because it would always be a constant challenge because as open minded as i am, or at least as I pretend to be my ego is huge and I would defend it with my dieing breath. I love my inner Kanye West and you should love yours too. My inner Kanye keeps me honest because I am going let you finish but only after i have done my research and know more then you do about whatever you are talking about. I hate to be the only one in the room without the answer that means two things

1. I am a jerk.

2. I did the work.

anyway back to my thoughts on the article why would a women have to hide her successes to make her mate feel more like a men or even a positive contributor. That is so much bullshit, why should let you pay because it makes you feel better today, knowing you can’t afford it tomorrow. First of all there are so many ways to contribute in a relationship if you have low dough for some reason i am sure you can find another why to contribute. Equality is a myth in relationships rarely are things equal, it’s more like a rhythm a flow you have to learn to dance too. Make sure you have a good dance partner. A partner that can listen, and speak open and honestly.

where do they make these dudes. You think i would waste my mates valuable time asking her to cater to my ego. It’s my ego and i can cater to it just fine. First if my lady is making more then me, my first thought is what the fuck am i doing. I know for sure I don’t got time to be feeling sensitive about it, I got grinding to do. Listen my huge ego opens me up to all kinds of criticisms but lack of work effort won’t be one of them. I find these sensitive ego-light thugs need hugs, they are all hiding the fact that they need to do better for themselves and using their mates success are an excuse is so wack.

When I pay for my lady’s dinner the only thing i am trying to say to her is I got you baby, i appreciate you and the times she does the same for me I hope she is saying that same, otherwise she can skip it. My ego will be ok, it’s self healing.

Men should be just that Men, and when your game is not working fix your shit, solve the equation and show your work, you will get an easy A, she wants to give you an A, but if you don’t show up for class she has to fail your ass.

-Digital

Thinking…

I have been thinking about the times when we were together and there was no drama

and you would try to open up to me and I may not have gotten what you were trying to say

and i am not sure if it was my ego or my pride that wouldn’t allow me to acknowledge what you were trying to say

but please believe since the day i met you i have always listen to your heart and what i can hear.

I am just a man and I don’t get right all the time, but i try.

When you came into my life you were still a girl, but you grow up and became a women on me, and sometimes even i had to play catch up.

but i never stopped listening and loving you, I have always loved you for you, the good and the bad.

It has taken me a while to understand what that means but I hope that you can forgive me for my short coming and see the simple man that stands before you, the man that loves the real you with all his heart.

I hope you can find that man worth of your precious love.

-Digital

She Stole My Words

She turned and looked at me and said, “I know things are different between us, because you don’t speak to me; before even when we on the outs you always found a way to let me know I was on your mind. You would use your blog, or write an email.”

I had to take a minute to think about what she was saying, and after further reflection I realized that she had stolen my words. She plundered my treasure I had buried deep inside of me.   She always hated the fact I was so open about what I was going thru and especially when it came to problems that she was causing me. After  a while I just stop writing about our problems partly in respect to her wishes and partly I was ashamed of what I was putting up with.
I would still bloged, but after time I stopped doing the thing that I loved to do and the thing that kept me the most human, being honest about what I was going thru. I tried so very had to fix things between us and I tried to evolve into someone that deserves a true love, a game changing love.  I watched many of my family and friends crash and sink on love’s jagged rocks. Somehow I was always believed that I would be spared and shown the path to navigate to the goal I truly desired.
I guess now it’s a fool’s folly.  Maybe I am giving up, maybe I am just growing up.
She took everything I had to offer a person, all that was good in me, and never returned the sentiment.  I believe that even a person as imperfect as myself can love someone so perfectly and I tried to do that when it came to her.
My heart, my life,  my ring was not enough  to convince her that our life together was a worth while effort.  So I failed at the one game I really needed to win.
So I am forced to  see thru the lies and cheating to know I  deserve better and just fold me hands and move on close that chapter of my life and not do what I have always done before and leave the door slightly ajar so she can always come back home.

I have not quite got thru all of the bs, but I am cool with the lessons learned It will take some time I guess but I have already moved on.   Loving someone is one thing but allowing them to take every advantage of you and give almost nothing in return is a very very different thing.

Weekend let’s go

Weekend let’s Go!

Eyes Wide Open

Not sure what's gotten to me today. I'm so relaxed, just chilling didn't have any issues waking up. Feel glad to be alive I haven't had many days like this recently so i am drinking it in. Not going to let anyone
blow my high.
 

Betrayed!

I got myself on the train and pulled my kindle and iPhone and started reading. When a song comes on my iPhone that I have not heard in years. It strips me bear and left me there naked. It quietly and quickly broke down my vernier, I was standing there betrayed by this song and my true feeling were out showing for the whole world to see. I felt like I was only one on the train, if it had been true I would probably have broken down and cried like a baby. I quietly put myself back In the box that i been living in and smiled, because I forgot a song could do that. Has that ever happens to you?

Iphone 3g so close to perfection that is unbearable

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I have had my shiny new Iphone 3g for almost 3 weeks. I have to say I love it overall, but the 2.0
firmware is like having a retarded little bother that will just do stupid things at any
moment.  A large part of the reason why I love the 3g over my 1st gen
Iphone is how connected I feel, I was so in love with my Iphone before but it
felt like whacking off (a solo experience) I sent txt messages and received and replied to emails but it
was so slow I didn’t feel as connected as I do now. I jail broke my old Iphone but I was like
what’s the point. I’m only near a wifi when I am at home most of the wifi spots near my job are secured so that’s
wack.

Now with the app store I was
introduce to twitter and soon will be introduced to unemployment because I am so
addicted to updating my life online. I know I am so lame, so says my oldest daughter, but ha the
jokes on her I have an iphone and she doesn’t she has an lg shine good luck
getting free cool apps on that thing :). 

Anyway this is all well and good but the new 2.0 firmware is
just so damn buggy, I try to be cool because I am programmer and understand how
these things work but it’s very frustrating. The keyboard lag is killing me and long sync times are not good
either. I can live
with the battery
life, I spend 12hrs a day in front a computer so I keep it charged. I know things will get better, just the
waiting for it to get better is killing me and where is cut and paste, I know
apple doesn’t want any apps running in the background, so why don’t they use
some type of online synching to store the clip board, come on windows phones
can cut and paste for like almost 10 years. My iphone 3g is almost perfect so close and yet so far…

The way to change is through pain

 

Why is it that only way for real change is pain. In the gym 6 days a week 2 days with a trainer working and Comming home and working on more projects    losing everything you thought was important to find what?   

Hating Right Now!!

This Custom made backpack is crazy. I wish i had pull enough to get one
Curse you Kanye and all your fame, Curse you and your fashion taste…
quietly sobbing now 😦